


Beautiful People

by roebling



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: Crack, Gender Issues, Genderswap, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-12
Updated: 2013-07-12
Packaged: 2017-12-19 07:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roebling/pseuds/roebling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>B.A.P turns into girls. Yongguk has trouble adapting. (Warning: this fic contains some discussion of normalized gender behavior)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful People

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhh this was one of the hardest things I've EVER written?? The fact that it's posted at all is only due to the awesome and amazing assistance of [almostblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalaspect/pseuds/almostblue). THANK YOU SO MUCH BB <333 You saved this story twice if not more!!

“Wow, Junhong, you’ve got a really great rack.”

As usual, Kim Himchan is not beating around the bush.

Yongguk closes his eyes. If he were a luckier man, this would be a dream. If.

"Junhong, should you really be touching those?”

Junhong pouts. He’s standing in front of the mirror with his shirt off. His hands are cupping his large, round breasts. "But hyung, they're mine.”

"No they're not," Yongguk says, because obviously, they're not. They can’t be.

"Whose else could they be, Bbang?" Himchan says, giddily. “He’s sixteen, not six. He turned into a total babe. Let the kid enjoy!”

Yongguk breathes in deep, through his nose. Sometimes, Himchan is his right hand man, but other times ... “You’re a bad influence,” he says.

Himchan’s not wrong, though. Junhong is a girl. The breasts are a big give-away, but they’re not the only thing that’s different. The lines of his face are softer, and his jaw is less square. He's still tall and slim, but he's got those breasts, and hips that flair out, and a flat, muscular stomach. He's gorgeous.

He's a girl.

"Um ...."

Junhong's right hand slides down his flat stomach and under the waistband of his pants. His eyes go wide. “Oh!”

Himchan grins, delighted. “Junhonggie, did you forget everything you learned in sex ed?”

Junhong blinks. “Hyung, I think I must not have gone to school on that day …” His cheeks are bright red, and his hand is still down his pants.

Himchan bursts out laughing.

Yongguk is ready to wake up. Any time now.

*****

"Did you drink anything strange? Accept anything strange from the fans?" Not that drinking some bubbling potion from a fan would really explain this. Not that he thinks that Junhong is stupid enough to do something like that in the first place.

"I really didn't," he says. He’s wearing a tee shirt now, but it’s still pretty easy to tell he’s got boobs.

Himchan rolls his eyes. “Bbang, why are you being such a killjoy? The kid turned into a girl! Who cares why? We need to seize this opportunity …”

Yongguk frowns. Himchan always wants to act like things are a joke, but their maknae just _turned into a girl_. This is weird and a little scary and not funny at all. What if he never turns back? What if he’s stuck this way?

"What if it's like in Secret Garden?" Youngjae asks. "Remember? They both drank the potion, and they switched bodies. What if some fan is in Junhong's body _right now_ , doing who knows what?" He's loud and giddy, like he gets when he's excited.

"He just said he didn't drink anything, dummy," Daehyun says, rolling his eyes.

Youngjae scowls. “Well, I was just trying to come up with some ideas. What’s your brilliant explanation, Jung Daehyun?”

"He's still _him_ ," Yongguk says, slowly. "I mean, he still looks like himself, right?"

He does: same long face, same round eyes, even the same scar on his arm from when he fell skateboarding over the summer.

Daehyun snorts. "He looks like himself if he were female and a supermodel, you mean."

Well. Yeah.

*****

Because they're in between comebacks, it's not an utter disaster. Daehyun and Youngjae go for their vocal lessons. Jongup goes to the company building to practice with the dancer hyungs. Junhong sits at the table and does homework. He’s wearing one of Manager Kang’s spare hoodies. Yongguk stays with him - he can’t do anything and he didn’t cause this, but he feels responsible. Himchan lounges on the couch with the iPad, laughing to himself occasionally.

"Hyung, what if I don't turn back? What would happen to the group?"

"You will," Yongguk says. “You’re going to turn back. Definitely.”

Junhong nods. "Okay," he says. He trust Yongguk that much. It’s scary.

"If you don't," Himchan says, sitting up half way, “it wouldn’t be the end of the world. You could be a swimsuit model. Or debut under another group as a girl.”

Junhong’s face falls.

Yongguk wishes Himchan knew when to make something a joke and when to be serious. Himchan forgets that Junhong is young, very young, and has been away from his family for a long time.

“You’re going to turn back, Junhong,” Yongguk says with more conviction than he feels.

“Of course you are,” Himchan says, rolling his eyes. “Junhong, I was just kidding. You know hyung was just kidding, right?”

Junhong nods, weakly.

Himchan glances sidelong at Yongguk. “See. He knew I was joking, Bbang.” Huffily, he turns on his side and back to his iPad. His feelings are hurt. Yongguk can read it in the hunch of his shoulders.

Yongguk sighs. He’s been lauded for his skills as a leader, but nobody said anything to him about spontaneous gender changes when he signed the contract.

*****

The next morning, Yongguk wakes sleepily on his own. Any morning when he beats the alarm is bound to be a good one. The bedroom is dark. The only noise is the quiet, rushy breathing of the dongsaengs.  
 He gets up quietly.

Junhong is sprawled in his bed, which is a nest of blankets, face masks, fan-made gifts, and other detritus. He hoards, like a rat. His sleep shirt has ridden up a little, and his face is calm in sleep. His chest is familiarly, thankfully flat.

A knot in Yongguk’s stomach loosens. Things are falling back into place. Crisis averted.

He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. The living room is quiet, with sunlight streaming through the window. It’s early enough that he can go to the gym before their schedules for the day. He pushes open the bathroom door …

“What are you doing?”

Himchan and Jongup turn to look at him. Jongup grins.

“I’m a girl now, hyung,” he says, sounding not at all dismayed. “Himchan is doing my makeup.”

“Kim Himchan, why …”

“Jonguppie is going to be my date today,” Himchan says. “He’s pretty, right?”

Jongup is pretty. His body is lean and athletic and his face is still angular, but he is pretty. Himchan has highlighted his cheekbones with something sparkly and lined his eyes in black and put something shiny and pink on his lips.

“Where did you learn to do makeup?”

Himchan dabs at Jongup with a powder puff. “Are you surprised?” He lifts a brow. “I’m a man of many talents, Yongguk.”

Of course he is. Yongguk isn’t denying that. From the very first day they met Yongguk’s been impressed with Himchan - with his musical talents, with his bearing, with his overflowing confidence. “I know,” he says quietly.

Satisfied, Himchan regards his work.

 Jongup blinks at himself in the mirror. He grins. As a girl, he’s still got buck teeth, but the effect is a little adorable. “Himchan hyung, I look pretty!”

“I know,” Himchan says. “And it’s ‘oppa’, today, Jonguppie.”

Jongup grins. He looks as happy as a kid in a candy store. Yongguk opens his mouth, and closes it.

Himchan shoves at Yongguk. “Excuse us,” he says, trying to push the door shut.

“What … what exactly are you doing?” Yongguk doesn’t think … but …

Himchan rolls his eyes. He reaches for a bag near the door, which is full of pink, shiny fabric. “You didn’t think I was going to let him leave the house all dolled up and wearing gym shorts, did you?”

*****

The people on the variety show on the television laugh. Yongguk weakly laughs along with them, but their joy is not catching today. He’s demoralized. He’s depressed. He doesn’t feel like going to the gym or working on lyrics or reading the newspaper. He doesn’t feel like doing much of anything at all.

Hmm. He wonders if this is how Himchan feels when he locks them all out of the bedroom and hides under his blankets.

“This is stupid,” Youngjae says. “I’m changing the channel.”

He and Daehyun are on the other couch.

“I’m watching it!” Daehyun says, cross.

Youngjae frowns. “Well stop watching it.” He grabs for the remote. Daehyun pushes him away. Youngjae pushes back. They scuffle for a few moments, until the remote falls to the floor. The back pops off and the batteries roll away, under the couch.

They stare at each other, panting, and then turn to look at Yongguk.

“Hyung, aren’t you going to tell us not to fight?” Daehyun asks.

“Yeah, hyung, what’s wrong with you?” Youngjae frowns. “Are you sick or something?”

Yongguk shrugs. “I’m fine, kids.”

He doesn’t know how to explain what he’s feeling. He doesn’t understand it himself. He’s not a very emotional guy, and this is a new one for him.

Someone clears their throat. It’s Himchan, who is standing with his arms spread.

“Ladies and …. err, Gentlemen and Gentlemen! Can I have your attention please! Presenting the gorgeous, the bodacious, the beautiful Miss Moon Jongup!”

Jongup teeters out of the bathroom in a pair of terrifying heels that make him, for once, the tallest of any of them (well, barring Junhong, but he’s at school). He’s made up and Himchan’s even done his hair, combing it and curling it in such a way that it looks feminine, even though it’s very short. He’s wearing a dress, too - it’s short and form-fitting and …

“Hey, isn’t that Hana noona’s dress?” Daehyun asks.

Himchan nods. “Sunhwa is too tall, and he couldn’t quite fill out Hyosung’s.”

Daehyun grins. “You look good, Jongup.”

Himchan looks prouder than he did when they debuted.

“Bbang,” he says suddenly. “Don’t you think Jongup looks nice?”

Yongguk nods, slowly. “You look nice.” He’s not good at talking to girls at the best of times and he’s really not good at talking to girls who are actually his male dongsaengs.  
“Thanks,” Jongup says, smiling. He teeters suddenly.

Himchan slides a hand around his narrow waist, and steadies him.

“Thanks, hyung … err, oppa,” Jongup says, smoothing his dress.

Himchan cackles. “You’re catching on!” He slides his arm through Jongup’s. “Shall we?”

*****

The next morning, Yongguk isn't even surprised when the petite girl with the perky nose and big eyes says, "Yeah, I know, I'm cute. Get over it."

Daehyun, beside him at the table, practically has hearts in his eyes. "You really should just stay this way. Hyung, don't you think he should stay this way?"

Youngjae shoves him, hard. Daehyun nearly falls off his chair.

Youngjae snorts. "I'm still stronger than you."

Daehyun is barely even phased. "You're prettier, too."

“I’m always prettier than you,” Youngjae says.

Daehyun shakes his head. “No way. I thought you were going to be the ugliest girl.”

Youngjae huffs. "The ugliest girl? Did you really think I was going to be uglier than Yongguk hyung?" He coughs, and glances at Yongguk. "No offense."

"None taken," Yongguk says, quietly helping himself to a bowl of rice. He hasn’t thought about it but he doesn’t think he’ll be a pretty girl. He doesn’t want to be a girl at all. He justs thing to go back to normal, so that he can start understanding what he’s supposed to do.

Then the front door bursts open.

"I found it," Himchan says, holding a big, pink, sparkly bow headband over his head triumphantly. "Daehyun, hold him."

Youngjae squirms and squirms. Daehyun holds his arms to his side. Himchan flails about a little bit, but the outcome is inevitable. Youngjae lies panting on the floor, sparkly headband pushed messily into his hair. Daehyun is on top of him, knees on either side of Youngjae’s hips. His hands rest on Youngjae’s upper arms, and Youngjae’s hands are wrapped around Daehyun’s forearms. They’re both a little red-faced from the tussle, and they’re staring at each other …

“Himchan,” Yongguk says, feeling a sense of urgency he rarely does. “I want to go to the studio. You should come with me.”

Himchan rolls his eyes. "Aw, but I wanted to stay here and play with our little kewpie doll Youngjae!"

Youngjae scowls.

Yongguk clears his throat. “Please come with me, Himchannie," he says.

Himchan thinks he's got the cold city guy image down pat, but Yongguk knows he's a big softy at heart. He's never once said no to a direct request.

Rolling his eyes, he says, "Fine, Bbang. I'll come keep you company. But what are the kids going to do all day?"

Daehyun, cheeks red, says, "Oh, I'm sure we'll think of something."

*****

If Daehyun turns into a girl - and Yongguk has to assume he does, since that's apparently how this thing works - none of them know about it. He and Youngjae are conspicuously absent all day.

"They're boning," Himchan says, cackling.

Junhong's eyes go wide. "Really?"

“Don’t say that, Hichan," Yongguk says, even though he's pretty sure that Himchan’s right.

"Don't be such a prude, Bbang," Himchan says giddily. "I'm sure they are."

"So are Youngjae hyung and Daehyun hyung going to be dating now?" Jongup asks.

"No," Yongguk says, hastily. Dating within a group is a really bad idea. "Jonguppie, they're just ... "

"Boning," Himchan says, deadpan. "Bonking. Fucking like bunnies."

At that, even Yongguk breaks down laughing.

*****

Even though Himchan spent most of the previous evening talking about what he wanted to do when it was his turn to be a girl (from the sound of it, the list has been quite a while in the making) Yongguk still isn’t prepared. 

It’s barely quarter after six when Yongguk stumbles out of the bedroom to go pee. He’s surprised to see the light is already on. He waits. He shuffles from foot to foot. Finally, he wiggles the doorknob. “Um, I have to …”

The door swings open. “Oh, Bbang, you’re up already,” Himchan says.

He’s tall and slim, with long, long legs, but he’s a girl all right: curvier than Yongguk would have guessed. He’s still got those razor sharp cheekbones, but his face is a shade rounder, and his eyes are really big. He’s got his hair curled up over his forehead, and his pale skin looks dewy, which doesn’t even make sense, because Himchan’s skin isn’t normally like that and does spontaneous gender switching really make that much of a difference?

Himchan is a really good looking guy. Yongguk’s always thought that. But he’s an absolutely stunning woman.

“Do I really look that good?” he asks, smiling. It’s a softer smile - the practiced smile he smiles for fans and their cameras, for the selcas he takes for his twitter. 

Yongguk nods.

Himchan grins then, and that’s the same sharp grin Yongguk knows. “I mean, I _figured_ , you know? But I haven’t even had a chance to put my on my face.”

*****

“Op~pa.”  
 Yongguk stares resolutely at his iPad.

“Opppp~pa!”

He swipes through to the next page of the article - it’s a discussion of current trends in wheat and beef cattle imports in northern Africa, and frankly quite fascinating.

“Oppppppppp~pa!”

Yongguk clears his throat. “We’re the same age,” he says, “so I’m not your oppa.”

Himchan pouts. His lips are fuller like this - or maybe it’s just a trick of the glossy sparkly stuff he’s put on. “But Bbang, who else am I going to call oppa?” He looks up, thoughtful. They’ve all worn eyeliner plenty of times before, but the way Himchan’s wearing it now makes his eyes look big and very pretty. “I bet Junhonggie would let me clal him oppa if I asked him.”

Junhong has a hard time refusing Himchan anything, and with Himchan looking like this … “Ah, no,” Yongguk says. “It’s fine. You can call me oppa.”

Himchan beams. He slides further down the couch, and leans into Yongguk, one arm around his shoulder. This kind of physical affection - well, it’s nothing new. Himchan is a tactile person. 

But the strange way it makes his skin feel hot and a size too small?

If he’s honest, that’s nothing new either.

*****

“Hyung, honestly, are you just going to keep getting changed all day?” Daehyun looks up, more amused than annoyed.

Himchan, in gold sequined tap shorts and a gauzy white top, is making faces at himself in the bathroom mirror. He’s done his hair again - differently, so that his bangs swoop to the side, held in place with a little gold clip. His makeup is different too - softer, with something shimmery-peachy on his cheeks and gold shimmer on his eyelids.

“How’d you get Sunhwa nuna to agree to give you all those clothes anyway?” Youngjae asks, frowning.

“She owed me a favor,” Himchan says. He makes his eyes big and purses his lips; it’s a bit silly looking, but he’s very pretty anyway. “And I’m never going to look this way again. I might as well enjoy it.”

He pulls off his top then. Underneath he’s wearing a sheer lace tube thingy - Yongguk doesn’t know what it's called - that clings to his fullness of his breasts. His nipples are a dark, dusky pink behind the sheer lace. He’s a bit soft: the shorts outline the slight curve of his belly, the impossibly pale softness of his thighs.

Youngjae and Daehyun don’t pay any attention, but maybe it’s a bit different after you’ve been a girl yourself. Yongguk can’t look away. He shouldn’t be looking at all.

Another shirt: loose and casual and black, hanging off his shoulders. He pulls off the shorts. There’s nothing underneath. Himchan glances up, squints … and shuts the door.

Yongguk closes his eyes, hard, even though he hadn’t really seen anything other than the narrow of Himchan’s waist, the soft fold at the bottom of his ribcage when he leaned over, the line of his back, his ass, his legs ….

Yongguk opens his eyes. Himchan is standing in the doorway, hands on waist. He’s got sandals and different tiny shorts on; his legs look ridiculously long. He puffs out his cheeks.

“I’m really pretty, right?”

“You could give Yoona sunbaenim a run for her money, hyung,” Daehyun says.

“If you get stuck like this you could probably Miss Korea,” Youngjae says, deadpan.

Himchan wrinkles his nose. “You’re such disrespectful dongsaengs. Don’t make fun of your nuna.” He sounds pleased, though.

Not even a little wobbly, he crosses the room and sits down on the couch.

“Well,” he says, “I’m going out.”

Yongguk sits up. Out? “Ah, why are you going out?”

Himchan smiles. “Because I want to go make heads turn, oppa. Why else?”

*****

Himchan smiles, and leans forward. He holds up a finger, taps a glittery pink nail against his lips. “Ajussi, do you think I could have just one more scoop?”

The uncle rolls his eyes, but he gives Himchan another scoop of strawberry ice cream. Himchan grins as he counts out the two hundred won. He’s still grinning as they walk away, into the afternoon crowd.

“Here,” he says, handing the cone to Yongguk.

“You know that man only gave that ice cream to you because … because you’re pretty,” Yongguk says as he accepts the cone. “He was staring at your -”

“Of course he was.” Himchan shakes his head. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what?” Yongguk thinks it’s wrong that men feel like they can stare at women in such a blatant, hungry way. He feels wrong for having stared at Himchan that way.

Himchan turns, stands up a bit straighter, puts a hand on his hip. “Don’t you think I’m really hot, though, oppa?” He does something with his eyes - Yongguk isn’t even sure what; the only word that comes to mind is ‘smolders’.

“I …. Uh. I mean you’re always …. It’s not just that …” Yongguk doesn’t know how to say that yes, yes - Himchan is beautiful and hot and desirable and so much more than that.

“Don’t worry, Bbang. I won’t make you say it.” Himchan smiles. “But you know, you’ve always been -” He waves a hand in Yongguk’s general direction. “ - you, so you don’t know what it feels like.”

“What?” Of course Yongguk has always been him. “Who else would I be?”

Himchan laughs. He still does it with his whole body, face scrunched, but the effect is more adorable than horse-like, now. It’s a shame, though. Yongguk always liked Himchan’s ridiculous laugh.

“Not you, specifically,” Himchan says, “Just, you know, you - Mr. Handsome Tall Athletic Brilliant Musician.”

Yongguk ducks his head. He’s really not sure he’s any of those things. “I don’t think …”

“Trust me,” Himchan says. “The system is messed up, Bbang. But if you’re a dopey fat kid that everyone ignores and then you lose a bunch of weight and people start calling you handsome you realize that the way you looks makes a big, big difference. If you’re a beautiful women and asshole guys think they can grope you on the street, well ... you might as well get an extra scoop of ice cream out of it, don’t you think?”

Yongguk stands still. The crowds of shoppers part around them. Himchan watches, no expression on his face. The ice cream melts and runs down onto Yongguk’s hand.

“I think that’s horrible,” he says, at last. “It shouldn’t be that way.”

“It probably shouldn’t,” Himchan agrees, “but it’s a lot easier trying to change yourself than it is trying to change the way the world works.” He takes a napkin from his purse and dabs at Yongguk’s hand. Then he takes the ice cream cone back and arranges Yongguk’s arm around his waist.

“There,” he says. He holds up the ice cream cone again. “Lick.”

Yongguk obliges. He wonders - as he tries to avoid getting ice cream up his nose - what they look like to other people: handsome college-age boy out with his beautiful girlfriend? Not friends, certainly, with the way they're pressed so close together. Are they happy for them? Are they jealous? Do they think Himchan is out of his league?

Yongguk’s always thought the last one though, and for reasons that have nothing at all to do with the way Himchan looks.

*****

There’s a loud pounding on the bathroom door.

“Yongguk hyung, open up! I really need to pee!”

It’s Junhonggie.

Yongguk sighs at his reflection in the mirror. All he can hope now is that Himchan isn't awake yet.

"One second, Junhong." He splashes some water on his face. This is a really foolish thing for him to be unhappy about, but … Well, there's nothing he can do but wait it out.

He opens the door.

Junhong purses his lips. "Hyung, didn't you turn into … ?"

Yongguk shuts his eyes and breathes in through his nose. "No, Junhong. I did."

Junhong blinks. "Oh." 

"I'm done in the bathroom now. Sorry."

"It's okay, hyung." Junhong pauses. "Hyung, you're sure you turned into a girl? I mean …"

Yongguk nods. "I'm sure I did, Junhong." He smiles. The maknae is so young. Most of the time it's not hard to be patient, but ... "I didn't miss that lesson."

Junhong nods, cheeks right. "Right," he says. "I just … right. I'm going to -" He nods again, and ducks into the bathroom.

Yongguk sighs. He knows what Junhong was going to say. Yongguk's sure he's a girl, but he doesn't really look much different. He's got the anatomy, all right, but he's got the same square chin and blunt nose, the same thick lips. He's never really minded his face, but as a girl, it doesn't work at all.

It's not like it matters, of course. He's going to change back tomorrow and it's not like it would matter even if he weren't going to. He does not believe in ascribing value to people based on their appearance.

Even so, he's a bit disappointed. It's not like he really wanted to be pretty, exactly, although it might have been interesting. It just stings a bit - being the ugly one.

*****

"Come on!" Himchan says. "Bbangie, please! Just a little blush. Some eye shadow! I'm not going to go overboard."

Himchan would make a career out of going overboard, if he could. "No," Yongguk says, and he pulls the hood of his sweatshirt up.

Himchan pouts and flops onto the couch. "But you'll look so cute."

"No," Yongguk says again. "I won't. I'm not going to look cute and I don't want any makeup, Himchan."

"Okay, fine," Himchan says. "You'll look adorable. Is that better? You'll look precious. You'll look -"

"Himchan hyung," Junhong says. "I think Yongguk hyung is right. I don't think he's got the face for makeup and stuff."

Yongguk ducks his head. He knows Junhong is trying to help, in his own way. "Thank you, Junhong."

Himchan narrows his eyes. "Any face you put makeup on is a face for makeup," he says. "What does it matter if …"

"He's going to look like he's in drag if you put makeup on him," Youngjae says, not looking up from his iPad.

Daehyun snorts and then catches himself. He sets into his bowl of cereal with determination. 

"So? What's wrong with that?" Himchan is still smiling but there's something cold and serious to the way that he's looking at them that Yongguk doesn't understand. He knows what Himchannie is trying to do, and it's nice and all, but he really wishes he would just drop it.

"If you're a woman," Jongup asks, "do you really want to look like a man dressed up to look like a woman?"

Himchan smirks. "If you are a man who's magically transformed into a woman does it really matter?"

Okay, Yongguk's had enough of this conversation. He stands up. "I'm going out."

"But you're in your pajamas," Himchan says. "At least put a bra on."

Yongguk turns to look at him. "Why?" he asks. "It's not like I need one."

*****

"Thank you," Yongguk says, smiling. 

The ajussi nods, and drops Yongguk's change into his hand without really looking up.

Yongguk sticks the change in his pocket and opens the bottle of water. It was stupid, running out of the dorm without his bag or his wallet or his phone, but he couldn't take any more of Himchan and his jokes and his unwanted pity. Himchan's a big believer in transformation: he's obsessed with that stupid makeover show where they give people plastic surgery to better their lives. Yongguk hates it. 

Himchan believes things like that are possible; maybe he believes it because he changed so much himself. 

Either way, Yongguk is an ugly girl, for today at least.

It shouldn't matter, but he remembers the way he felt walking down the street yesterday afternoon with the sun shining and his arm around Himchan's waist. Himchan had been so beautiful, and even though he hadn't expected to be or wanted to be he'd been proud.

Yongguk's not the kind of girl anyone would be proud to walk down the street. It shouldn't matter, but it does.

*****

The studio door opens. 

"I thought I'd find you here."

Yongguk blinks. "What time is it?" His neck is sore. He fell asleep over the console.

"Only the afternoon," Himchan says. "You stormed out pretty early."

"Sorry," Yongguk says, embarrassed. He's the leader. He shouldn't have acted so childishly.

"Hey," Himchan says. "It's fine. I'm sorry too. If you don't wanna do the skirts and heels and makeup thing, it's fine. I'm not saying it's not fun, but there's plenty of other ways to be a girl."

Yongguk nods. "I know."

"You could have stayed at the dorm," Himchan says. "I could have just dressed Junhonggie up again."

"But he's not a girl anymore," Yongguk says. 

Himchan shrugs. 

"Himchan," Yongguk says. "Don't bother the maknae."

"Oh, I won't," Himchan says, "unless he wants me to."

Yongguk sighs. He took his sweatshirt off earlier, but it's chilly now - the air's kicked on. He feels self conscious anyway - bare bony shoulders and flat chest. He's still lean as a girl, but he's shorter and a lot more slight. He feels like he's all sticks and angles. He reaches for his sweatshirt.

"So are you going to come back now?" Himchan's arms are crossed over his chest. He looks tired, with unstyled hair and bags under his eyes. He should have just gone home and rested. He needs it.

Yongguk shakes his head. "Ah, no," he says. "I was just going to stay here and keep working for …"

"Okay," Himchan says, dropping into the other chair. "I'll stay with you then."

"Himchannie," Yongguk says. "I didn't turn into an infant. You don't need to stay here and babysit me."

Himchan shakes his head. "I'm not," he says. "But you don't have to come hide away in here just because you're a girl."

"I'm not!" Yongguk says. His voice is higher; it's strange and surprising. "I'm just …" There's really no point in discussing this. He doesn't understand why Himchan just won't let it go. Seven hours, and he'll be himself again.

"You're what?"

"Ah, well," Yongguk says, slowly. "I mean, it's a little embarrassing, being the ugly girl."

Himchan stares at him, frowning.

"Cut it out, Himchan," Yongguk says, pulling on the sweatshirt and zipping it up all the way again. "I know I’m not pretty. You don't have to stare."

"You're really dumb," Himchan says, finally. "You ran away because you're not pretty?"

Cheeks red, Yongguk nods. "You can just make fun of me now and get it over with."

Himchan shakes his head. "I'm not going to make fun of you," he says. "But … what's the difference? What does Bang Yongguk care what he looks like?"

"I don't," Yongguk says. "I just … " He closes his eyes. "I was just thinking about yesterday. And how you were so beautiful. And how nobody would give me any extra scoops of ice cream if I asked."

He expects Himchan to laugh. It's _so_ ridiculous. He'd laugh, if he were in Himchan's shows.

But Himchan doesn't laugh. He just looks at Yongguk for a while, and then he says, "It's really awful, isn't it?"

Yongguk nods. "I never … any other time I wasn't good at something I just practiced until I got better. If I wanted something that wasn't what most people wanted, it was okay, because I was sure I was making the right choice. But this … It's not right or something I can practice. It's just how I look. It's just me."

Himchan looks down, bites his lower lip. "It sucks," he says. "I'm sorry."

Yongguk nods, and he wonders if maybe he's the one who should be apologizing. So long he's known Himchan, and he never understood this.

"You're not ugly though," Himchan says. 

Yongguk rolls his eyes. "Himchannie, you don't have to …"

"I'm serious," Himchan says. He frowns. "Are you doubting my aesthetic sensibilities, Bbang? You're not pretty, but you're not ugly." 

"I've got bony shoulders and no chest and a big nose," Yongguk says. "I don’t look like a girl."

"If you're a girl, you look like a girl," Himchan says. "But you're not ugly, Bbang. I think I’d go for a smokey eye, and a neutral lip. You've got great cheekbones, so something to emphasize those." He grins. "I still have Sunhwa's makeup. The offer stands."

Yongguk frowns. "I don't know if it's a good idea," he says.

Himchan rolls his eyes. "Come on, Bbangie. It'll be fun."

*****

"Woah," Daehyun says. "Looking good, hyung." His eyes are wide.

Himchan is delighted with himself. "Doesn't he?"

"Thank you, Daehyunnie," Yongguk says, staring at the toes of his platform pumps.

Yongguk's been thoroughly made up. There's more makeup on his face than he thought it was possible for one person to wear, but … Himchan's talented. He still doesn't look pretty or beautiful, but he sees how this face - his face - might be not be so bad, this way.

He's wearing one of Hana's Poison stage outfits. The shorts are really, really short, and he can't stand in the heels. He’s got on peachy lipstick and shimmery dark eyeshadow and he feels ridiculous, but he also feels … hot.

"If it wouldn't ruin my hard work, I'd totally make out with you right now," Himchan says, grinning, narrow-eyed.

“Ah, that’s okay,” Yongguk says. Himchan always goes overboard with things. He gets it; he’s not ugly. 

He takes one step, and then another. Learning to dance was hard enough; he gives girl groups all the credit in the world for learning to dance while wearing heels. He takes another step. Himchan is watching, thoughtful and amused. Yongguk stands up straighter, shoulders back. He’s still lean, but the clothes and the bra give him the illusion of curves, if nothing else. 

He’s still not pretty, certainly, but there’s something interesting and attractive about his face, especially when he smiles a hard smile. He wouldn’t win any beauty pageants, but if he went out dressed like this, well … he bets he could get someone to give him something. 

He doesn’t know why, but he likes that feeling. 

He takes another step … and loses his balance. 

“Whoops,” Himchan says, his hands on Yongguk’s shoulder, his waist. “I’ve got you, Bbang. Believe me, I know being a girl is fun, but I think you need a little more practice in those things. It’s at least as hard as driving a car, and we all know how that went.” 

Yongguk nods, staring at the ground. He doesn’t need to be reminded. 

Himchan guides him over to the couch. He sits with his legs spread at first, and then remembers that’s considered indelicate. It’s not like Himchan or Daehyun care, though. 

The apartment is very quiet. The maknae line is out at the dermatologist. Daehyun keeps changing the channels. Himchan is watching the tv, too, but every so often he glances over at Yongguk and smiles. “It’s fun, right? I told you so, Bbang.” 

Yongguk smiles back. “It is.” 

It makes him feel good, knowing that Himchan wants to look at him, even if he is just probably thinking what a good job he’s done. The skirt itches, though, and the six tons of makeup he’s wearing make his skin feel stiff and strange. And the bra - if anything, that’s even worse than the high heels. He likes wearing these clothes, likes the way they make him feel, but he’s had about enough.

He kicks off the shoes, and stands up. 

“Where are you going?” Himchan asks, frowning. 

“I’m going to get changed.” 

Himchan looks disappointed, but he says, “Meet me in the bathroom. You’re going to need help getting that eyeliner off.” 

*****

Yongguk’s tee shirt hangs off his shoulders, too big. He’s wearing Jongup’s jeans. He sits on the seat of the toilet with his shoulders hunched and his hand clasped together. Himchan opens the cabinet and rifles through the bottles and vials. Yongguk washes his face every night, but he only uses soap and water. Some of the others have longer, multi-step routines that involve many different creams and toners and washes. Yongguk has been lucky, he realizes now, in more ways than one.

“The girls’ makeup is stage-quality,” Himchan says. “Soap and water isn’t going to cut it.” 

He gets out a bottle and some cotton squares. “Shut your eyes,” he says. 

Yongguk shuts them, and waits. Himchan wipes gentle at the shadow and eyeliner and mascara. Yongguk opens his eyes - he’d like to see, maybe, what it looks like as it disappears - but Himchan scolds. 

“Keep them shut, Bbang. It’s going to sting if you don’t.” 

Yongguk waits. It hurts a little bit, cotton pulling on the thin skin around his eyes, but he knows Himchan is being as gentle as he can be. 

“Okay,” Himchan says. “Go rinse.” 

Yongguk leans over the sink and rinses his face with warm water, scrubbing hard. He looks up. The girl in the mirror is plain again, and his skin is blotchy and red. 

“Come here,” Himchan says. 

“Did I miss something?” Yongguk glances in the mirror. No, the makeup is all gone. 

Himchan shakes his head. “Come here,” Himchan says again. 

Yongguk lets Himchan draw him closer - it’s strange, being the shorter one now - and he waits, wondering, until Himchan reaches forward to cradle Yongguk’s jaw and kisses him softly on the mouth. 

Yongguk lets Himchan kiss him, and then when Himchan steps back and looks up, looking entirely too satisfied, he says, “But I took the makeup off.” 

“What are you talking about?” Himchan wrinkles his nose. “I took the makeup off. You were going to end up with raccoon eyes if you did it yourself.” 

“You said you wanted to kiss me but it would mess up my makeup. But the makeup’s gone now. I’m just …” He doesn’t know quite how to say it.

“What?” Himchan crosses his arms. “I can’t kiss you when you’re not wearing makeup?” 

“No,” Yongguk says. “The makeup made me look cool. I don’t know why you’d want to kiss me now if you didn’t do it then.” 

Himchan sighs. “Bbang, I didn’t want to kiss you because of the makeup, you idiot.” 

“But … I look really … plain without it.” Yongguk knows that Himchan is just trying to make him feel better; he likes to do that. But it’s fine. Yongguk is fine with it, really. 

Himchan leans back against the sink. “Do you really think I care how you look?” 

“That kind of stuff is important to you,” Yongguk says. “I mean, isn’t that why you helped me?” 

“I helped you because you clearly felt terrible,” Himchan says. “And because it was fun. It was fun, right?” 

Yongguk nods. “It was fun, but Himchannie, I’m not a kid. You don’t have to worry that I’m going to …” 

“I’m not _worried_ ,” Himchan says. “Bbang, the makeup is just … Listen, there are a lot of people who aren’t going to care who you are or what you can do unless you look a certain way. Makeup is just a way to … to trick people - to get them to notice you. It’s a costume. It doesn’t really change anything.” He tilts his head to one side. “I know you better than anyone in the entire world, Bbang. Do you really think I care what you look like? I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while. I’ve seen you dressed up like Shrek, and I still want to kiss you.” 

Nobody looks good dressed up like Shrek. Yongguk grins. “I guess that was pretty bad, huh?” 

“We’ll just say green isn’t your color,” Himchan says, grinning too. 

Yongguk nods, feeling looser and better than he has since he woke up this morning. The way that Himchan can make him laugh is the same, even though Yongguk isn’t. 

“Why’d you wait so long, then?” 

Himchan shrugs. “You don’t exactly broadcast your affections on a wideband frequency, Bbang. I wasn’t just going to kiss you and then let you trample all over my heart when you rejected me.” He squints. “You’re not gonna do that tomorrow when you change back, right?” 

“I’m not,” Yongguk says. “I am definitely not going to do that.” 

Himchan laughs. “I got it,” he says, and he steps forward and kisses Yongguk again. His lips are soft and his eyes are closed and his hands find Yonguk’s waist, under the tee shirt. Yongguk leans forward and up and … 

Someone knocks on the door. “Hyungs, are you almost done?” 

It’s Jongup. 

“Ah, just a second, Jongup-ah.” Yongguk swallows. His cheeks are hot and his skin is burning and he wants _more_ …. 

“We should … um, do that again,” he says. 

Himchan nods, looking entirely pleased. “I think we’re in agreement, Bbang.” 

He opens the door. Jongup is standing there looking uncomfortable. 

“Sorry,” he says. “I was going to just pee in the …” 

“But that’s GROSS!” Youngjae shouts from the other room. 

Yongguk shakes his head. “The bathroom is all yours, Jongup.” 

Jongup shuffles past them, giving them a strange look. 

“You know,” Himchan says, quietly, “we can do the makeup thing again too, if you want. Even after today.” 

“Um.” Yongguk liked it. He did like it, and he thinks he might like it again. “That might be … fun.” 

It’s not much, but Yongguk has a feeling Himchan knows that it’s as good as a promise made. 

“Fun,” Himchan says, grinning. “Exactly what I was thinking, Bbang.”


End file.
